Pursuing a Values Based Existence

Recently a friend introduced me to the concept of the values based existence. I had reached a level of frustration at the varying success I was achieving attempting to live a goal based life. This frustration pivoted around the varying levels of resources such as time and energy which were available to pursue these goals. However with an inner framework built around the pursuit of ones underlying values it is possible to achieve success in spite of these factors and in doing so to experience a higher level of richness and satisfaction in the every day.

Consider the system of goal setting. A desired outcome is determined, set in stone. It is often monetary or commoditized and will involve a number of inflexible steps. On the one hand if you succeed its great, you can place a check in a box and move on to the next one. On the other hand if you fail there will often be a knock on effect with other goals and steps which leave you constantly beating yourself up.

As an alternative consider the pursuit of your values. There are still those things you wish to achieve. However having been through a process of determining whether they are consistent with your beliefs they take on a special significance. These may still be recorded in the manner of goals but I tend to look upon them as 'soft-goals', whereby all of your goals are considered a whole. If there is delay in one there may be progress in another, or if there is an impasse altogether this may indicate that a time of intensive, breakthrough progress is approaching. In this way, times of illness or low energy do not bring with them a state of anxiety or frustration. If something outside of ourselves demands our attention, such as a family tragedy, we can attend to this with full focus, knowing that what we are doing is contributing to the pursuit of our values in its own way.

As a goal-oriented person with a clearly defined, recorded and tracked lit of goals I was surprised at how naturally it came to bring these forward into the new paradigm of a values based system. Many goals required only minimal alteration to remove their punitive and demanding nature. Others were discarded out of hand.

In general the key outcome is the relief of the pressure which we place on ourselves to constantly be doing things to pursue these outcomes. Moving toward a state of simply being and in the process becoming the way we want to be is a joyful and rewarding experience in and of itself. Instead of looking at sheaves of completed checklists you can do a quick internal rollcall and ask yourself “Is the way I am living consistent with my values?”. You will be surprised at the overwhelming reward that an answer in the affirmative can bring.

The process of establishing your true values can be a challenging one. This is something that can only come from within and in most cases will be very clouded by the clutter we build up about ourselves. Most people are so caught up in the distractions of every day life that they increasingly drift away from the knowledge of who they truly are and what it is they yearn for.

I found the following exercise helpful.

Brainstorming what you value:

Take a pen and paper and sit quietly, somewhere where you will not be disturbed.

• First make a list of all the people you have ever met who you feel lucky to have known. It can be for any reason. They may have had a constant positive air about them, or have been an exceptional businessman/woman. Note down what about this person was their special value.
• Now note down the things you own that you truly treasure. These are the things that could not be replaced with money.
• Next consider the places you have been in your life that have meant the most. It may help to close your eyes and picture these places as you think about this. A childhood holiday, your grandparents house, a special park or place of natural beauty.
• Next close your eyes and breath deeply for a few moments until you feel relaxed. Now starting with your earliest memories remember all the times when you felt the happiest, working your way forward until the present day. You will be surprised at what you remember here and this is an exercise that can also be very useful in low times.
• Similarly repeat the previous exercise but this time you are looking for the times you felt the greatest sense of joy in achievement. The times you felt you had truly accomplished something.
• Now think about your own personal image. Note down a few things that you consider to epitomise your personal style. Some pieces of clothing, the way you wear your hair, some colours or materials. Some words such as 'natural' or 'quality' which describe the kinds of items you like to wear and accessorise with.
  
  

As time goes on you might choose to repeat these steps in further determining what you value. By bringing these things to the front of your mind and having them in writing to refer to you can better prioritise what is meaningful to you. How much time in your life is dedicated to making more happy memories? How much time do you spend with 'people of special value'? These are the things that matter on the deepest possible level.

Just think of yourself as an old man or woman, going through the process you have just completed. Would not the contents of your notes be an important measure of how full a life you have led?

Using your notes glean some words which sum up for you what it is you wish to achieve and as you go about your daily life be aware of whether you are being true to these values you have chosen.

You can still be driven, you can still be a high achiever and you can still track and measure your success. The key is a shift in your point of view and a renewed emphasis on pursuing your own dreams, not those goals imposed upon you by others or society.