Honouring Personal Commitments in Generation Y

Given all our technology you'd think that everyone would be more closely linked and bonded than ever before. However that doesn't seem to be the case for most people and the quality of relationships is also being effected.

In Gen Y there is nothing quite so important as the ability to be 'easy going'. This is a loose term which at one time would have meant to be relaxed and happy to go with the flow. Over time this has shifted and the phrase has taken on a more demanding connotation. The new incarnation of easy going requires that a person have no particularly strong identification with anything. That is to say that they must be willing to give over any notion that they had when it comes to discussion, expression of opinion or interactions with others.

An inability to immediately release from ones values and ideas is often seen as being difficult or uptight. In many cases it is not simply enough to acknowledge the opinion of another, there is a mania for attempting to convert others to a congruent point of view. As a social study this is interesting as it is in direct contrast with those values which would have been at one time highly prized, particularly amongst men. The idea of a stoic man of sound principle who would calmly express his unshakable ideal was treated with reverence. These days he wouldn't get invited to any cool parties.

Keeping in mind this premise of the chronically easy-going GenY'er, whom expects complete malleability of the opinions of others but whom conversely feels an unyielding thirst to convert others to his point of view; let us consider how this may manifest itself in the way of actions.

As a member of Generation Y myself I base my ponderings mainly upon personal observation. Statistically it must be said that there is a great deal of variation, however what I am discussing here are broad themes, represented again and again as patterns of behaviour.

The process of making an arrangement with a Gen Y'er is the classic example. A time is set, a place is set and therefore an arrangement is made. To a more traditional mind this might seem straightforward and deceptively simple. In the mind of Gen Y however an arrangement is just an idea: A thing that could happen, maybe... but you'd better be prepared to be easy going about it. I have noted again and again in dealing with people of my own age group that there is a real difficulty in translating ideas into action. So many things remain abstract and beyond the thinker to make the move into actualizing the thought.

Why is this? It's hard to say, however maybe the mindset can be partly explained by the complete lack of existing paradigms for normal behaviour in Gen Y. The traditional notions of 'making a life' which were summarily demolished during the Baby Boomer and Gen X years are by now almost beyond memory. So in Gen Y we grow up with no particular expectations placed upon us in terms of marriage or procreation. The astronomical price of housing in most countries encourages many not to enter the property market and anyway, eventually the Baby Boomers will die, leaving everyone nicely inflated properties and pension funds (or so the theory goes).

So is it this lack of expectation which leads to a general malais and a large scale abandonment of traditional 'core' values? A commitment to ideas such as respect and honour is difficult when it is exercised in such a minority, especially in an environment where the majority are enforcing their own stance wherever there is conflict.

Another factor is the constant anxiety around doing these things perceived to increase status or happiness. One might end up with a priority structure which sees one attending every Pilates class and seeing every episode of Gossip Girl but then declaring they have no time for socialising. This kind of self imposed time poverty is an outward symptom of a life lived in neutral, or first gear at best. The results is a quagmire of cancelled appointments, missed deadlines and broken goals: failed commitments.

Contrary to what was discussed in the previous blog entry about values based living I would doubt that many people would look back on such a life with a glowing sense of pride.

The ability to be consistent with oneself and with others is a skill and one which takes a great deal of attention. It is something that all of us have varying success with at different times and I don’t believe that anyone has escaped failure. However it is possible, through treating your commitments as important, to achieve a state of greater ease and honesty.

Being reliable has come to be seen as being rather dull in Generation Y and sadly as such has been disregarded by many. Along with many other key traits, the ability to honour ones commitments is more important now than ever. With a population that is being driven apart by communication tools rather than drawn together. As personal contact becomes less the norm than text messages, Facebook and Tweets, these ‘appointments’ become some of the most precious agreements of our lives. There can be no lasting emotional fulfilment in a life which finds room for work, gym, naps, Internet porn and television and marginalises simple human contact.

Having been through the exercise outlined in the Values Based Living article you should have gained a clearer idea of the kind of things that are important to you and importantly, what kind of people you want to be close to. There is no special trick to translating this into firm, consistently met commitments. It is a general shift in thinking, a transition from idea to action which can only be brought about by increased mindfulness.

Take some time each day to think about the commitments you make to yourself. Nail down those abstract ideas of who you want to be and where you want to go. Start to do all those small things which you have left undone and be strong and decisive moving forward in becoming reliable, both to others and with your own True self.

Pursuing a Values Based Existence

Recently a friend introduced me to the concept of the values based existence. I had reached a level of frustration at the varying success I was achieving attempting to live a goal based life. This frustration pivoted around the varying levels of resources such as time and energy which were available to pursue these goals. However with an inner framework built around the pursuit of ones underlying values it is possible to achieve success in spite of these factors and in doing so to experience a higher level of richness and satisfaction in the every day.

Consider the system of goal setting. A desired outcome is determined, set in stone. It is often monetary or commoditized and will involve a number of inflexible steps. On the one hand if you succeed its great, you can place a check in a box and move on to the next one. On the other hand if you fail there will often be a knock on effect with other goals and steps which leave you constantly beating yourself up.

As an alternative consider the pursuit of your values. There are still those things you wish to achieve. However having been through a process of determining whether they are consistent with your beliefs they take on a special significance. These may still be recorded in the manner of goals but I tend to look upon them as 'soft-goals', whereby all of your goals are considered a whole. If there is delay in one there may be progress in another, or if there is an impasse altogether this may indicate that a time of intensive, breakthrough progress is approaching. In this way, times of illness or low energy do not bring with them a state of anxiety or frustration. If something outside of ourselves demands our attention, such as a family tragedy, we can attend to this with full focus, knowing that what we are doing is contributing to the pursuit of our values in its own way.

As a goal-oriented person with a clearly defined, recorded and tracked lit of goals I was surprised at how naturally it came to bring these forward into the new paradigm of a values based system. Many goals required only minimal alteration to remove their punitive and demanding nature. Others were discarded out of hand.

In general the key outcome is the relief of the pressure which we place on ourselves to constantly be doing things to pursue these outcomes. Moving toward a state of simply being and in the process becoming the way we want to be is a joyful and rewarding experience in and of itself. Instead of looking at sheaves of completed checklists you can do a quick internal rollcall and ask yourself “Is the way I am living consistent with my values?”. You will be surprised at the overwhelming reward that an answer in the affirmative can bring.

The process of establishing your true values can be a challenging one. This is something that can only come from within and in most cases will be very clouded by the clutter we build up about ourselves. Most people are so caught up in the distractions of every day life that they increasingly drift away from the knowledge of who they truly are and what it is they yearn for.

I found the following exercise helpful.

Brainstorming what you value:

Take a pen and paper and sit quietly, somewhere where you will not be disturbed.

• First make a list of all the people you have ever met who you feel lucky to have known. It can be for any reason. They may have had a constant positive air about them, or have been an exceptional businessman/woman. Note down what about this person was their special value.
• Now note down the things you own that you truly treasure. These are the things that could not be replaced with money.
• Next consider the places you have been in your life that have meant the most. It may help to close your eyes and picture these places as you think about this. A childhood holiday, your grandparents house, a special park or place of natural beauty.
• Next close your eyes and breath deeply for a few moments until you feel relaxed. Now starting with your earliest memories remember all the times when you felt the happiest, working your way forward until the present day. You will be surprised at what you remember here and this is an exercise that can also be very useful in low times.
• Similarly repeat the previous exercise but this time you are looking for the times you felt the greatest sense of joy in achievement. The times you felt you had truly accomplished something.
• Now think about your own personal image. Note down a few things that you consider to epitomise your personal style. Some pieces of clothing, the way you wear your hair, some colours or materials. Some words such as 'natural' or 'quality' which describe the kinds of items you like to wear and accessorise with.
  
  

As time goes on you might choose to repeat these steps in further determining what you value. By bringing these things to the front of your mind and having them in writing to refer to you can better prioritise what is meaningful to you. How much time in your life is dedicated to making more happy memories? How much time do you spend with 'people of special value'? These are the things that matter on the deepest possible level.

Just think of yourself as an old man or woman, going through the process you have just completed. Would not the contents of your notes be an important measure of how full a life you have led?

Using your notes glean some words which sum up for you what it is you wish to achieve and as you go about your daily life be aware of whether you are being true to these values you have chosen.

You can still be driven, you can still be a high achiever and you can still track and measure your success. The key is a shift in your point of view and a renewed emphasis on pursuing your own dreams, not those goals imposed upon you by others or society.