Pursuing a Values Based Existence

Recently a friend introduced me to the concept of the values based existence. I had reached a level of frustration at the varying success I was achieving attempting to live a goal based life. This frustration pivoted around the varying levels of resources such as time and energy which were available to pursue these goals. However with an inner framework built around the pursuit of ones underlying values it is possible to achieve success in spite of these factors and in doing so to experience a higher level of richness and satisfaction in the every day.

Consider the system of goal setting. A desired outcome is determined, set in stone. It is often monetary or commoditized and will involve a number of inflexible steps. On the one hand if you succeed its great, you can place a check in a box and move on to the next one. On the other hand if you fail there will often be a knock on effect with other goals and steps which leave you constantly beating yourself up.

As an alternative consider the pursuit of your values. There are still those things you wish to achieve. However having been through a process of determining whether they are consistent with your beliefs they take on a special significance. These may still be recorded in the manner of goals but I tend to look upon them as 'soft-goals', whereby all of your goals are considered a whole. If there is delay in one there may be progress in another, or if there is an impasse altogether this may indicate that a time of intensive, breakthrough progress is approaching. In this way, times of illness or low energy do not bring with them a state of anxiety or frustration. If something outside of ourselves demands our attention, such as a family tragedy, we can attend to this with full focus, knowing that what we are doing is contributing to the pursuit of our values in its own way.

As a goal-oriented person with a clearly defined, recorded and tracked lit of goals I was surprised at how naturally it came to bring these forward into the new paradigm of a values based system. Many goals required only minimal alteration to remove their punitive and demanding nature. Others were discarded out of hand.

In general the key outcome is the relief of the pressure which we place on ourselves to constantly be doing things to pursue these outcomes. Moving toward a state of simply being and in the process becoming the way we want to be is a joyful and rewarding experience in and of itself. Instead of looking at sheaves of completed checklists you can do a quick internal rollcall and ask yourself “Is the way I am living consistent with my values?”. You will be surprised at the overwhelming reward that an answer in the affirmative can bring.

The process of establishing your true values can be a challenging one. This is something that can only come from within and in most cases will be very clouded by the clutter we build up about ourselves. Most people are so caught up in the distractions of every day life that they increasingly drift away from the knowledge of who they truly are and what it is they yearn for.

I found the following exercise helpful.

Brainstorming what you value:

Take a pen and paper and sit quietly, somewhere where you will not be disturbed.

• First make a list of all the people you have ever met who you feel lucky to have known. It can be for any reason. They may have had a constant positive air about them, or have been an exceptional businessman/woman. Note down what about this person was their special value.
• Now note down the things you own that you truly treasure. These are the things that could not be replaced with money.
• Next consider the places you have been in your life that have meant the most. It may help to close your eyes and picture these places as you think about this. A childhood holiday, your grandparents house, a special park or place of natural beauty.
• Next close your eyes and breath deeply for a few moments until you feel relaxed. Now starting with your earliest memories remember all the times when you felt the happiest, working your way forward until the present day. You will be surprised at what you remember here and this is an exercise that can also be very useful in low times.
• Similarly repeat the previous exercise but this time you are looking for the times you felt the greatest sense of joy in achievement. The times you felt you had truly accomplished something.
• Now think about your own personal image. Note down a few things that you consider to epitomise your personal style. Some pieces of clothing, the way you wear your hair, some colours or materials. Some words such as 'natural' or 'quality' which describe the kinds of items you like to wear and accessorise with.
  
  

As time goes on you might choose to repeat these steps in further determining what you value. By bringing these things to the front of your mind and having them in writing to refer to you can better prioritise what is meaningful to you. How much time in your life is dedicated to making more happy memories? How much time do you spend with 'people of special value'? These are the things that matter on the deepest possible level.

Just think of yourself as an old man or woman, going through the process you have just completed. Would not the contents of your notes be an important measure of how full a life you have led?

Using your notes glean some words which sum up for you what it is you wish to achieve and as you go about your daily life be aware of whether you are being true to these values you have chosen.

You can still be driven, you can still be a high achiever and you can still track and measure your success. The key is a shift in your point of view and a renewed emphasis on pursuing your own dreams, not those goals imposed upon you by others or society.

Is this Australia Day or Sorry Day?

It's Australia Day. The sun is shining and the people have taken to the streets. Not many people know what its all about and not many people care. It's relaxed, unstructured, random. It's Australia.

But oh how it brings them out. The neo-political, nouveau-bourgeois, self appointed judges all go into session. The verdict: Guilty with a capital G. Too loud, too drunk, too jingoistic, too patriotic (its the wrong kind of patriotism dontchya know) and just not good enough!

There is a disturbing undercurrent of entrenched disapproval which seems determined to bring a safe and healthy monochrome to our full spectrum nation. The furrowed brows and wagging fingers, the blogs and rants giving us all the wrap on the knuckles we so clearly deserve. For what could be more disturbing, more threatening and upsetting than to see Australian flags on the cars and temporary tattoos of the flag and southern cross. Surely this makes immigrants uncomfortable. Surely this encourages a smothering monoculture which is an affront to the Toorak-hippies. Never mind that the ma and pa bargain shops run almost exclusively by new immigrants are the main channel for purchasing said paraphernalia and that many of those sporting them are first generation Australians.

Today I walked around St Kilda, up the wonderful Carlisle St, through the beautiful St Kilda Botanical Gardens, soaked up the trendy vibe of Acland St and finally took a walk along the spectacular beach and Esplenade. What I noticed was the fullness and richness of the Australian experience. You could see it all there: families, drunkards, teenagers, senior citizens, every race, every kind of dress, every skin colour. The behaviour was similarly of every degree: quiet couples, abusive creeps, teenagers chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi!

To some this is unacceptable. Some exercise a blind hypocrisy which decries anything inconsistent with their own beliefs and bullheadedly tries and impose their own, not open to discussion, or compromise, or even to the idea that different and opposing views might exist and not effect them. It's called extremism. An extremism just as illogical, dangerous and threatening to democracy and liberty as any other.

Interestingly the entry price for being able to air such opinions seems to be a special type of self righteousness. It does not have to be based on education or life experience but seems to be more centred around using natural cleaning products, supporting the correct charity (through credit card donation rather than actual action thank you very much) and perhaps driving a Prius if you can manage it.

We are constantly told we are too racist, too intolerant, too thoughtless, not green enough. These insurgents within our society (for this is what they are) have no time to declare what is right and good and true in our world but only have energy and spirit for those things which they see to be wrong or unjust. Interestingly a large proportion of these opinionated souls are either unemployed or eternal students and rely on those taking part in the economy that they find so disgusting. They cry out “Justice for all” without the slightest acknowledgement that we have indeed, against all odds managed to gain a state which affords justice to most.

The fact is that despite the odd yobbo and the statistically unavoidable antisocial and criminal components of the population we are largely an even-tempered nation, not prone to random acts of Indian student stabbing or toxic waste dumping. Most people hold an inherent concern for their fellow man and also for the world in which we live. However we are constantly judged careless as we are not launching ourselves onto every available soap box to extol a completely negative and judgemental view of all that there is.

I had never considered deeply what Australia Day meant and to be honest I don't think that's what its about. It's a day like any other, for Australians to do whatever they want. For most this does not mean causing a racially motivated riot or stabbing someone with a broken bottle.

So in the spirit of the day let me put out my hands as a symbol of apology to our cantankerous malcontents. I'm sure the population joins me as we apologise for not containing our inappropriate and contaminated patriotism. Our poisonous and unsettling declarations of love for our country, which you feel disinclined to share, finding our culture (or perceived lack thereof) irksome and Neanderthal. You may rap your gabble of pseudo-justice and don your black cap to pass down the sentence of death, the dissolution of a system which you see as so faulty and broken, such a failure that you would prefer some kind of idealised ,communist anarchy.

In fact it's usually more general than that. No particular policy or cohesive strategy is required. No roadmap to take us to your eutopia. Just the naysaying, just the constant overwhelming speak, the chatter, the background hum of cicadas saying BAD BAD BAD.

It must be terrible to feel so trapped within a society of which you so violently disapprove. To have all your time consumed discussing the problems and issues which confront you every day as you try to survive against the constant assault of horrific injustice. Over the dinner table you are disgusted at how little people do to support the poor or the enviroment “but do please pass the organically grown, hydroponically nourished, pure-spring-water-misted eco-zuccini . I can only get it at that one little green grocer. They have it flown in from Equador where some quaint little villagers grow it and it's three times as expensive but don't you know it's just so much better for the world.”

I can not agree with a school of thought which insists it is for freedom and a greater good but at the same time disapproves of the majority of what people do and would like to see it “corrected” or banned. This way lies facism and unilateralism. When the bulk of the population is not seen as having a valid opinion or knowing what is good for them, the path to dictatorship is not far away. Though I'm sure it would have a pretty name, like the Rainbow Unicorn Decision Council for Universal Wellbeing.

As you walk around today, amongst the crowds of the people and visitors of this country maybe you can take a moment to acknowledge some miracles. We are mainly fed, mainly clothed, mainly safe and mainly free. 98% of us are always working toward a better world, some just for themselves and their families and some for everyone. The degree to which you care is not a function of how opinionated, self-righteous and critical you are. Nor is it immediately cancelled out if you choose to have a southern cross tattoo or mount a small Australian flag on your car. If you're a control freak maybe try doing a large jigsaw puzzle (you know the ones that are mainly sky or a wheat field) or try herding some cats, that should keep you busy for a while. Meanwhile leave Australia alone.